#Puns Quotes

“It ain't the heat, it's the humility.”

“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

“Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.”

“I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

“So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'”

“So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."”

“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."”

“Immanuel isn't a pun; he Kant be!”

“Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?”

“Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?”

“Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!”

“I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."”

“A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.”

“When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.”

“Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids”

“Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."”

“Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!”

“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?”

“The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just rubbed us the wrong way."”

“Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.”

“George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.”

“Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.”

“Just as the witticism brings two very different real objects under one concept, the pun brings two different concepts, by the assistance of accident, under one word.”