#Sarcasm Quotes

“Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.”

“Ah," cried Gavroche, "what does this mean? It rains again! ...If this continues, I withdraw my subscription.”

“A physician is one who pours drugs of which he knows little into a body of which he knows less.”

“Doctors put drugs of which they know little into bodies of which they know less for diseases of which they know nothing at all.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.”

“How could an actor become president?”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”

“Poverty is a career for lot's of well paid people”

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."”

“She doth mean the earth to me! By earth, I actually mean dust.”

“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”

“She is a peacock in everything but beauty!”

“When I see a spade, I call it a spade. I'm glad to say I have never seen a spade. The man who would call a spade a spade should be compelled to use it. It's the only thing he's fit for.”

“How're the Broncos doing?" "Like a bunch of carrots." "Is that bad?" "Can carrots play baseball?" "I guess not." "Then you have your answer.”

“Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary. When her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief.”

“I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.”

“Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along with a story, like I do in life, just talking to myself and making fun of stuff and laughing at stuff that's serious. And sometimes it's a good idea to put the laughing into the songs. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's all right just to be serious. But most of the songs have some kind of joke in them.”

“Wait. Let me guess. You’re giving me the cold shoulder, right?” With that, she sighed. “Shouldn’t you be with your friends, staring at yourselves in the mirror?” He laughed. “That’s funny. I’ll have to remember that.” “I’m not being funny. I’m being serious.” “Oh, because we’re so good-looking”

“He's too ugly to be the champ!”

“Joe Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.”

“Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute.”

“My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.”

“I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing, and the shadow won.”

“Holmes is so ugly, his grandmother said when he started to cry the tears would stop and roll down the back of his head.”

“Sometimes Howard [Cosell] makes me wish I was a dog and he was a fireplug.”

“Howard Cosell was gonna be a boxer when he was a kid only they couldn't find a mouthpiece big enough.”

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“[Khrushchev] should get a one-ton medal.”

“Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”

“Tira: Whatever you're thinkin' you're wrong. I only like him like a brother. You ain't got nothin' to worry about. . . . Say listen you. A better dame than you once called me a liar and they had to sew her up in twelve different places. You're lucky I'm a little more refined than I used to be. And if you was as much a lady as I am, you'd get out of here before I get real sore. Alicia: You haven't a streak of decency in you. Tira: I don't show my good points to strangers. I'll trouble you to scram.”

“We're intellectual opposites. Well, I'm intellectual and you're opposite.”

“Married, Married, Married! Buried! Yeah yeah yeah yeah”

“Sarcasim is the lowest form of humor.”

“Miss Morland, no one can think more highly of the understanding of women than I do. In my opinion, nature has given them so much, that they never find it necessary to use more than half.”

“I have not the pleasure of understanding you.”

“Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.”

“Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.”

“I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.”

“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”

“You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you”

“Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face”

“There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.”

“Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?”

“You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?”

“I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.”

“The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse.”

“Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.”

“How would you like to feel the way she looks?”

“Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!”