#Shopping Quotes

“There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.”

“I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.”

“I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.”

“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'”

“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.”

“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.”

“I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda”

“I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.”

“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”

“I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'”

“I buy everything from CostCo. It's great; they've got everything I need.”

“Never buy anything simply because it is expensive.”

“Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.”

“I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.”

“While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch.”

“Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.”

“Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.”

“Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?”

“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”

“Liberty is the chosenresort of the artisticshopper.”

“I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.”

“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.”

“I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."”

“I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."”

“Happiness is not in money, but in shopping.”

“...I've found out it's fun to go shopping. It's such a feminine thing to do.”

“How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?”

“People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”

“I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.”

“A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

“Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.”

“... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.”

“And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.”