Groucho Marx Quotes

“Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face”

“I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.”

“In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know.”

“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”

“Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.”

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”

“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.”

“The months before my son was born,I used to yell from night to morn,'Whatever it is, I'm against it!No matter what it is or who commenced it,I'm against it!'”

“There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.”

“I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me”

“Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.”

“I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.”

“[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.”

“I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing”

“I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.”

“Time wounds all heels.”

“You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way”

“My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.”

“Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.”

“I must confess, I was born at a very early age.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.”