#Exaggeration Quotes

“Some report a sea-maid spawn'd him; some that he was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice.”

“All lovers swear more performance than they are able, and yet reserve an ability that they never perform; vowing more than the perfection of ten, and discharging less than the tenth part of one.”

“Proportion is almost impossible to human beings. There is no one who does not exaggerate.”

“The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”

“Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.”

“I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it.”

“All one has to do to get one's stuff in the Congressional Record is to find a stenographer that can stay awake long enough to take it down. Then you mark in the 'Applause' and 'Laughter' parts yourself.”

“She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.”

“Exaggeration, the inseparable companion of greatness.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

“madam," the man cried, leaping to the ground, "you're hurt!" "I'm dead, sir!" she replied. A few minutes later, they became engaged.”

“There is no one who does not exaggerate. In conversation, men are encumbered with personality, and talk too much.”

“the rumors of the White Sox demise are greatly exaggerated.”

“There is no one who does not exaggerate!”

“But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face.”

“He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.”

“My God, look at the size of this man! Quick! Tell the other villagers we're going back to the boats!”

“I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. 'Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!'”

“A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.”

“Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.”

“People who always feel jolly, no matter where they are or what happens to them—who have the organ of hope preposterously developed—who are endowed with an uncongealable sanguine temperament—who never feel concerned about the price of corn—and who cannot, by any possibility, discover any but the bright side of a picture—are very apt to go to extremes, and exaggerate with 40-horse microscopic power.”

“If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.”

“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”

“I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"”

“Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.”

“You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.”

“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”

“I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.”

“I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.”

“I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.”

“Superman don't need no seat belt.”

“In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

“It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.”

“Exaggeration! was ever any virtue attributed to a man without exaggeration? was ever any vice, without infinite exaggeration? Do we not exaggerate ourselves to ourselves, or do we recognize ourselves for the actual men we are? Are we not all great men? Yet what are we actually, to speak of? We live by exaggeration.”

“Exaggeration is truth that has lost its temper.”

“What some people invent the rest enlarge.”

“In memory's telephoto lens, far objects are magnified.”

“Your lullaby would waken a drunken goblin!”

“Sophia shrieked and fainted on the ground – I screamed and instantly ran mad. We remained thus mutually deprived of our senses, some minutes, and on regaining them were deprived of them again. For an Hour and a Quarter did we continue in this unfortunate situation – Sophia fainting every moment and I running mad as often. At length a groan from the hapless Edward (who alone retained any share of life) restored us to ourselves.”

“I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!”

“And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!”

“The problem with the press is that they can't tell the difference between a bicycle crash and the end of civilization.”

“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.”

“Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.”

“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”

“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”

“If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.”

“In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.”