#Golf Quotes

“Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.”

“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose”

“Golf. Trying to knock a tiny ball into an even smaller hole with implements ill suited to the purpose.”

“Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.”

“Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren't allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training.”

“80 percent of the balls that don't reach the hole, don't go in.”

“Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in.”

“I didn't know much about golf growing up.”

“I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.”

“Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.”

“You politicians have got to look further ahead; you always got a Putter in your hands, when you ought to have a Driver.”

“Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.”

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

“My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.”

“Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.”

“Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.”

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

“I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.”

“I won't have any competitive instincts in any sports, other than golf. I can't see being competitive in sports any more.”

“For a competitive junkie like me, golf is a great solution because it smacks you in the face every time you think you have accomplished something. That to me has taken over a lot of the energy and competitiveness for basketball.”

“In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.”

“In football, it's the job of the player to play, the coach to coach, the official to officiate. Each guy is charged with upholding his end, nothing more. In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.”

“All my life, I've been trying to make a hole-in-one. The closest I've come is a bogey.”

“I don't play well enough to be allowed to throw my clubs.”

“If Tiger Woods had played football, he would have been a quarterback.”

“Somehow, it is hard to dislike a man once you have played a round of golf with him.”

“It's so hard to make a good tee shot after a birdie.”

“"Hit it with the back of your left hand" was the first swing thought I ever heard, brusquely bu not unlovingly put to me by the aunt-in-law who had moments before placed a golf club in my virgin grip. I was twenty-five, and had spent my youth in a cloisterd precinct of teh middle class where golf was a rumoured something, like champagne breakfasts and divorce, that the rich did.”

“Some golfers, we are told, enjoy the landscape; but properly, the landscape shrivels and compresses into the grim, surrealistically vivid patch of grass directly under the golfer's eyes as he morosely walks toward where he thinks his ball might be.”

“What other sport holds out hope of improvement to a man or a woman over fifty? True, the pros begin to falter at around forty, but it is their putting nerves that go, not their swings. For a duffer like [me], the room for improvement is so vast that three lifetimes could be spent roaming the fiarways carving away at it, convinced that perfection lies just over the next rise. And that hope, perhaps, is the kindest bliss of all that golf bestows upon its devotees.”

“Golf at its measured pace permits an electric excess of mental activity.”

“Imagine writing a poem with a sweating, worried-looking boy handing you a different pencil at the end of every word. My golf, you may say, is no poem; nevertheless, I keep wanting it to be one.”

“The difficulty is, all swing thoughts decay, like radium. What burnt up the course on Wednesday has turned to lead on Sunday. Yet it does not do to have a blank mind: the terrible hugeness of the course will rush into the vacuum and the ball will spray like a thing berserk.”

“My golf is so delicate, so tenuously wired together with silent inward prayers, exhortations and unstable visualizations, that the sheer pressure of an additional pair of eyes crumbles the whole rickety structure into rubble.”

“The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.”

“Green grass, green grandstands, green concession stalls, green paper cups, green folding chairs and visors for sale, green and white ropes, green-topped Georgia pines. If justice were poetic, Hubert Green would win it every year.”

“Dream golf is simply golf played on another course. We chip from glass tables onto moving stairways; we swing in a straightjacket, through masses of cobweb, and awaken not with any sense of unjust hazard but only with a regret that the round can never be completed, and that one of our phantasmal companions has kept the scorecard.”

“I assume my stance, and take back the club, low, slowly; at the top, my eyes fog over, and my joints dip and swirl like barn swallows, I swing. There is a fruitless commotion of dust and rubber at my feet. "Smothered it," I say promptly. After enough lessons the terminology becomes second nature.”

“There was clearly great charm and worth in a sport so quaintly perverse in its basic instructions. Hit down to make the ball rise. Swing easy to make it go far. Finish high to make it go straight.”

“Golf's ultimate moral instruction directs us to find within ourselves a pivotal center of enjoyment: relax into a rhythm that fits the hills and swales, and play the shot at hand - not the last one, or the next one, but the one at your feet, in the poison ivy, where you put it.”

“The other sad truth about golf spectatorship is that for today's pros it all comes down to the putting, and that the difference between a putt that drops and one that rims the cup, though teleologically enormous, is intellectually negligeable.”

“Many men are more faithful to their golf partners than to their wives and have stuck with them longer.”

“If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.”

“All golfers fear the one-iron. It has no angle, no loft. The one-iron is a confidence-crusher, a fear trip, an almost guarantee of shame, failure, dumbness and humiliation if you ever use it in public.”

“If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.”

“I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.”

“Golf is typical capitalist luncay.”

“As we all know... golf is a puzzle without an answer.”

“Wind is part of the British Open. It is an examination and it took me a long time to pass the examination. Eighty per cent of the fellows out there have not passed the test.”

“But golf being an international game and everybody loving the game the way they do, if you want to spread the game of golf, it's good that you have great competition.”