Juggler Quotes

“I can do anything I want to do!”

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

“Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.”

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

“I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.”

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”

“A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.”

“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”

“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”

“Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.”

“I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.”

“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.”

“The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.”

“If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.”

“First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.”

“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”

“If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”

“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

“Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.”

“Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.”

“There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.”

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

“I drink therefore I am.”

“I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.”