Golf Quotes

Wind is part of the British Open. It is an examination and it took me a long time to pass the examination. Eighty per cent of the fellows out there have not passed the test.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

Golf asks something of a man. It makes one loathe mediocrity. It seems to say, "If you are going to keep company with me, don't embarrass me.

But golf being an international game and everybody loving the game the way they do, if you want to spread the game of golf, it's good that you have great competition.

If Tiger Woods had played football, he would have been a quarterback.

I didn't know much about golf growing up.

Many men are more faithful to their golf partners than to their wives and have stuck with them longer.

There was clearly great charm and worth in a sport so quaintly perverse in its basic instructions. Hit down to make the ball rise. Swing easy to make it go far. Finish high to make it go straight.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

Golf's ultimate moral instruction directs us to find within ourselves a pivotal center of enjoyment: relax into a rhythm that fits the hills and swales, and play the shot at hand - not the last one, or the next one, but the one at your feet, in the poison ivy, where you put it.

Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in.

Dream golf is simply golf played on another course. We chip from glass tables onto moving stairways; we swing in a straightjacket, through masses of cobweb, and awaken not with any sense of unjust hazard but only with a regret that the round can never be completed, and that one of our phantasmal companions has kept the scorecard.

Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren't allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training.

80 percent of the balls that don't reach the hole, don't go in.

As we all know... golf is a puzzle without an answer.

It's so hard to make a good tee shot after a birdie.

Golf is a puzzle without an answer.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

I wish I could put a patent on that thing. That was so straight I had to lean over sideways to see the flag!

The first time I ever saw Arnold Palmer, I said, There's a star. The first time I saw Jack Nicklaus, I said, Superstar. I feel the same way about Tiger Woods.

Somehow, it is hard to dislike a man once you have played a round of golf with him.

All my life, I've been trying to make a hole-in-one. The closest I've come is a bogey.

You must work very hard to become a natural golfer.

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

You politicians have got to look further ahead; you always got a Putter in your hands, when you ought to have a Driver.

Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

For a competitive junkie like me, golf is a great solution because it smacks you in the face every time you think you have accomplished something. That to me has taken over a lot of the energy and competitiveness for basketball.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The other sad truth about golf spectatorship is that for today's pros it all comes down to the putting, and that the difference between a putt that drops and one that rims the cup, though teleologically enormous, is intellectually negligeable.

Each shot is important.

Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.

All golfers fear the one-iron. It has no angle, no loft. The one-iron is a confidence-crusher, a fear trip, an almost guarantee of shame, failure, dumbness and humiliation if you ever use it in public.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.

In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.

Golf at its measured pace permits an electric excess of mental activity.

Golf. Trying to knock a tiny ball into an even smaller hole with implements ill suited to the purpose.

The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.

Imagine writing a poem with a sweating, worried-looking boy handing you a different pencil at the end of every word. My golf, you may say, is no poem; nevertheless, I keep wanting it to be one.

If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.

Some golfers, we are told, enjoy the landscape; but properly, the landscape shrivels and compresses into the grim, surrealistically vivid patch of grass directly under the golfer's eyes as he morosely walks toward where he thinks his ball might be.

"Hit it with the back of your left hand" was the first swing thought I ever heard, brusquely bu not unlovingly put to me by the aunt-in-law who had moments before placed a golf club in my virgin grip. I was twenty-five, and had spent my youth in a cloisterd precinct of teh middle class where golf was a rumoured something, like champagne breakfasts and divorce, that the rich did.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

What other sport holds out hope of improvement to a man or a woman over fifty? True, the pros begin to falter at around forty, but it is their putting nerves that go, not their swings. For a duffer like [me], the room for improvement is so vast that three lifetimes could be spent roaming the fiarways carving away at it, convinced that perfection lies just over the next rise. And that hope, perhaps, is the kindest bliss of all that golf bestows upon its devotees.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I couldn't tell you exactly what I like about golf. Just when you think you've got it mastered it lets you know you haven't. I'm just crazy enough to do it.

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

Enjoy the game. Happy golf is good golf.

Just trust your instincts. There's an old saying in golf, you've studied the swing many times, and you practice and practice, but when you stand over the ball, you just have to trust your swing. And you trust it. And if you don't trust it, you'll ruin it; your brain will take over.

I won't have any competitive instincts in any sports, other than golf. I can't see being competitive in sports any more.

I don't play well enough to be allowed to throw my clubs.

I am very proud of the fact I do not cheat when I'm playing golf.

I've studied golf for almost 50 years now and know a hell of a lot about nothing.

Green grass, green grandstands, green concession stalls, green paper cups, green folding chairs and visors for sale, green and white ropes, green-topped Georgia pines. If justice were poetic, Hubert Green would win it every year.

My golf is so delicate, so tenuously wired together with silent inward prayers, exhortations and unstable visualizations, that the sheer pressure of an additional pair of eyes crumbles the whole rickety structure into rubble.