quotes by Gossip Columnist Quotes

“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.”

“The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.”

“Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well.”

“Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated out of a million dollars.”

“Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.”

“Broadway is a main artery of New York life - the hardened artery.”

“America - love it or leave it.”

“Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.”

“Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.”

“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back”

“A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air.”

“A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.”

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

“Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.”

“To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.”

“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.”

“A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.”

“The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.”

“We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.”

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.”

“I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.”

“This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.”

“Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.”

“An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.”

“Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.”

“He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.”

“An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.”

“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.”

“Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.”

“Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.”

“A certain columnist has been banned from all Shubert openings. Now he can wait three days and go to their closings.”

“Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.”

“Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?”

“I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.”

“The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.”

“Nothing recedes like success.”

“Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.”

“Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.”

“Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.”

“The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!”

“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.”

“He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.”

“The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.”

“Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.”

“The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.”

“If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.”

“The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.”

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

“Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.”