#Pets Quotes

“The poodle [Rufus] ate in the dining room with the rest of the [Churchill] family. A cloth was laid for him on the Persian carpet beside the head of the household, and no one else ate until the butler had served Rufus's meal.”

“I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.”

“I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.”

“I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."”

“I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.”

“I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.”

“The best way to get over a dog's death is to get another soon.”

“I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.”

“I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.”

“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!”

“What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.”

“What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.”

“I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.”

“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”

“What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.”

“Whenever he was out of luck and a little down-hearted, he would fall to mourning over the loss of a wonderful cat he used to own (for where women and children are not, men of kindly impulses take up with pets, for they must love something)”

“We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.”

“I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.”

“Cats are a waste of fur.”

“I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.”

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”

“This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."”

“He was an Afghan Hound name Kabul. Since him I have had other Afghan Hounds.... Perhaps I am looking for his ghost. He is the only one that I sometimes think about. Often, if he comes in to my mind when I am working, it alters what I do. The nose on the face I am drawing gets longer and sharper. The hair of the woman I am sketching gets longer and fluffy, resting against her cheeks like his ears rested against his head.”

“Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.”

“Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.”

“I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.”

“What dogs? These are my children, little people with fur who make my heart open a little wider.”

“That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.”

“It often happens that a man develops a deeper love and friendship with his pet cat or dog than he does with most of the other humans in his life.”

“I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one.”

“Sometimes it seems the whole purpose of pets is to bring death into the house.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.”

“Every puppy should have a boy.”

“When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.”

“Thought subsides when you pet your dog or you have a purring cat on your chest. Even just watching an animal can take you out of your mind. It is more deeply connected with the source of life than most humans, and that rootedness in Being transmits itself to you. Millions of people who otherwise would be completely lost in the conceptual reality of their mind are kept sane by living with an animal.”

“You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!”

“For many people who are so lost in their minds, so much involved in their thought processes, the only moments they have when they are not trapped in that is when they are relating to their animal, their pet.”

“Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.”

“We have always had dogs, and they have faithfully performed many valuable services for us, such as: 1. Peeing on everything. 2. When we're driving in our car, alerting us that we have passed another dog by barking real loud in our ears for the next 114 miles. 3. Trying to kill the Avon lady.”

“Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.”

“Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.”

“The vital function that pets fulfill in this world hasn't been fully recognized. They keep millions of people sane.”

“You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.”

“Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws three-quarters of an inch into your flesh.”

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.”

“Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal”

“maybe somebody finally shot the dog.”

“When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all; they are members of the pillow family.”