#Drinking Quotes

“I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking: I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.”

“I drink and smoke and I am two hundred percent fit.”

“The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.”

“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.”

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”

“Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.”

“I must have a drink of breakfast.”

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.”

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”

“I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.”

“I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.”

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”

“A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.”

“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”

“The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”

“I drink therefore I am.”

“Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason”

“I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

“If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.”

“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.”

“Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.”

“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”

“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.”

“I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.”

“I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.”

“I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.”

“So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.”

“My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.”

“When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.”

“I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.”

“This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.”

“I never drink water... fish f**k in it.”

“Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.”

“I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.”

“I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.”

“It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.”

“I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.”

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”

“So lets knock a couple back and make some noise”

“Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.”

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

“Drink to me. Drink to my health. You know I can't drink any more.”